The trees along the street looked tired, yellowed from the cold and collapsing into brown piles along the curb. The chill in the air seemed to drain what little life remained from the treeline. The sky was grey with clouds, a grey not so different from the plume of smoke from a hastily smoked cigarette, clouds that looked like at any minute they would give up holding it all back and pour their hearts out, much to the dismay of those beneath them.
Through one window a figure looked out onto the quiet nothingness of it all, his lips pursed into a tight almost-frown, though he’d never actually let himself frown. He had enough issues and frown lines can’t possibly be one of them, not yet at least.
He brushed his blonde mop of hair out of his face and sighed deeply, the sheer melancholy of the season was beginning to weigh on him heavily, although he would never use as pretentious a word as melancholy to describe his situation, perhaps something more nonchalant? Although that would require him to actually speak about how he feels, and that? That might just kill him… as far as he’s concerned at least.
Jesse stepped away from the window and was confronted with the reality of life once again. A messy, unkempt room stood before him, clothes strewn across the floor mingling with things he had bought when he was happy. His eyes landed on a little pink Polaroid camera perched atop an overflowing laundry basket. He remembered buying it. He was going to fill his walls with photos… How long ago was that? He couldn’t even begin to remember as his original intentions took over and he perused his desk for his own little slice of self medicating.
His eyes briefly lit up, not enough to be considered excitement but perhaps a fleeting spark of joy as he located his strawberry-ice vape. He had always wished he was cool and mysterious enough to smoke cigarettes but after a few puffs the nausea always dissuaded him.
Jesse flopped onto his mess of sheets, one could call it a bed but the existence of a mattress under that pile was questionable at best. He received a text just then. Not something that happened often. He got off his ass and grabbed his phone surprisingly quickly.
“Hey bitch, u alive?”
A text from his best and only friend Viv.
“Against popular belief, yes… what's up?” He responded.
“My brother's having a fire tn, I don’t wanna be alone with all his friends so can I steal you for the night?”
Jess paused and thought before responding, he knew he didn't have much of a choice in the matter and that there was a fifty fifty chance that Viv was already on her way.
“Sure” he responded.
“Ok great! My car’s out of gas so Dylans gonna come get u in an hour”.
Jesse’s eyes widened with mild horror. His original plan of bumming it in pajamas and a big hoodie wouldn’t do now that he’d be in close proximity to someone who, despite being Viv’s brother, was basically a complete stranger.
He scanned the disaster zone of his room for something wearable. If Viv had given him a day’s notice, like she knew he preferred, he would’ve had a near immaculate outfit hanging neatly on his closet door.
He first reached for a pair of denim shorts but after looking out the window again threw them back into the pile where they came from, opting for regular jeans instead.
How does one balance being warm and being cute? Who was he even trying to be cute for? He didn’t have answers to either of these questions but he still sorted through the clothing on the floor until he was satisfied with the outfit he landed on.
Jeans. A black tee just long enough to not be outwardly slutty. A black cardigan and a fur-trimmed hoodie on top.
He looked in the mirror and furrowed his manicured brows, his eyes unforgiving as they traced over his body. The layers made him look bulkier than he would like, but in such a rush he was just pleased the clothes were actually clean.
He walked over to his desk, eyeing the disaster of accessories, perfumes, makeup, and skincare products spread across it. He picked up his current eyeliner pencil, one of the few he owned that weren’t yet in dire need of sharpening. He then picked up mascara, a pair of stud earrings and his favourite perfume before turning to the mirror.
Again, he didn’t know why he was putting effort into his appearance tonight. From what he knew, Dylan’s friends were all assholes anyway. Asshole might be a strong word to use but when one grows up in a small town they become familiar with a certain kind of boy, destined for the trades and at least one baby mama, those were Dylan’s friends.
He carefully lined his eyes with the pencil, not wanting it to be too dramatic but still noticeable. The goal was always a soft feminine look with his makeup.
After multiple failed attempts at a wing, he wiped it off and settled for something more relaxed instead. As he fastened his earrings, he looked at his reflection and that familiar almost-frown began creeping onto his face again.
After what felt like hours spent staring into the mirror looking for something to fix, Jesse heard a honk outside and as he peered out his window he saw Dylan’s busted up Civic parked in the driveway.
“Fuck!” Jesse muttered as he gathered his few necessities and threw them into his bag. Emergency makeup kit, vape, mini perfume bottle, and phone.
As Jesse stepped out the front door the cool breeze hit him like a truck. Trying not to shiver he walked over to Dylan’s car and to his relief it was just Dylan in the car, as daunting as sitting next to him would be, it was still way better than being crammed into a car with him and all his buddies.
Jesse climbed into the passenger seat beside Dylan and was hit with a mix of cigarettes, cologne, and sweat. The heater hummed weakly against the cold as he shut the door behind him. Usually the smell would’ve put him off, but something about it was almost intoxicating. Before he could stop himself, he found himself breathing it in anyway.
“Hey” Dylan said without so much as lifting his eyes from his phone.
“Hi” Jesse replied, his voice sounding mousier than he intended it to be.
Dylan looked up and scanned Jesse with his deep blue eyes.
“You look nice” He said with a slight grin forming on the sides of his lips.
Jesse blinked in surprise, a blush beginning to creep onto his cheeks.
“Thanks! I- I just threw something warm on” He said trying to laugh it off.
Jesse looked at himself in the mirror, Dylan’s offhand remark replaying in his head. Something warm twisted in his chest, unfamiliar in a way that almost scared him.
Dylan started the car and as they pulled out of the driveway Jesse couldn’t help but notice his hands firmly planted on the wheel.
“Wow.”
Jesse’s eyes not-so-discreetly traced the veins on the backs of Dylan's hands, hands that had been made rough and sturdy from hard work. Hands that looked like they could…
Dylan’s voice cut through the silence.
“Do you have anything to drink for tonight?”
Jesse quickly averted his eyes and pretended to be deep in thought.
“No, I’m kinda broke right now and even if I had money Viv barely gave me any notice…” He replied, feeling a little embarrassed about being unprepared.
“No worries, I’m running into the store, what do you like to drink?” Dylan asked as he pulled into the parking lot.
Being put on the spot was never Jesse’s strong suit, and in that moment he completely forgot the names of every drink he had ever had. Not wanting to look inexperienced he blurted out the first drink he could think of.
“Vodka?” he said, looking sheepish.
Dylan looked a little surprised.
“I always took you for more of a cooler kinda guy, but okay,” he said as he stepped out of the car.
As Dylan walked away, Jesse sank back into his seat and let out a deep breath.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?! Get it together bitch, He’s just a guy! You see guys all the time!! Not scary!!”
He tried in vain to calm his nerves.