April 25 2026

Moisturized, Shaved, Clean and cunt is how im feeling at the moment, that will change like the winds on a spring afternoon but for now I feel great, my vape is running low though so i need yalls thoughts and prayers lmao

Can't wait for this months pay to come in, need to top up a lot of my hygeine products and print some photos (hopefully)

I also have beer and some rum rn so im waiting for either A) my friends to wanna hangout and drink or B) the depressive episode to hit when im alone and get drunk listening to amy winehouse and adele.

This image reminds me of Virtual Villagers idk why bit like i hope yall see it too

April 23 2026

A stream of thought from my notes app

How can I look at this man who does the bare minimum, he’s really a slob, messy, he smells sometimes, doesn’t even really take care of himself but. But when I see him. I see his goofy smile, his beautiful eyes, his innocent kindness, his toned body (yes I’m horny abt him lmao) his scruffy unkempt stubble is cute to me, his messy hair endearing, the way he likes my cooking makes my heart flutter, “you make the best sandwiches EVER” . he’ll sleep next to me with no second thought, he tells me things he doesn’t tell other people, he doesn’t love me though, not the way I love him, when he’s drunk or lonely I become and option, “I mean you can suck my dick if I don’t find a girl at the bar tonight” those words nearly ruined me, I accidentally showed my cards, he knows now how hot I find him, how much I would do for him, how I feel. And unfortunately I can guess how he feels, at best I’m a backup option for a blowjob, at worst I’m just his gay friend. He shares vapes with me, the closest we’ll ever get to kissing, if he ever leaves his stuff here I love it, his sweaters, hats, sunglasses, fuck I’m in love with him so badly, but he doesn’t care. I feel like I’m on the top of the world in the passenger seat of his car, just wish he’d put his hand on my leg like he does to her. I introduced them so it’s my own fault really, I wing manned too close to the sun I guess, they fuck like crazed rabbits all the time and I can’t help but be jealous and sad, he asks why I’m depressed and I can’t tell him it’s because I know he doesn’t want me like I want him. I just have to brush it off and pretend I’m okay, I’m not though, I’m obsessed with him and he doesn’t even notice me unless he’s out of options. The world must hate me because as he sleeps next to me and I lie awake my music auto plays the subway, one of your girls and winner takes it all back to back! Like god damn my little heart cannot handle this all.

Getting over things slowly... still very depressed, had my anti depressants upped, well see how that goes lol

April 1 2026

Been in the throws of a one sided love as you all know, Getting him ready for a date with a girl hurts so bad, teaching him what to pick out for a charcuterie board, helping him buy a new outfit, helping him pick out wine for her? It all hurts, but his smile makes it easier, and sleeping in his bed makes my heart flutter, so I guess its worth it? being even further down the line than the backup, because a backup would still have a chance, im more of a safety net I guess, I clean I cook I build I work I help and all he has to do in return is smile at me, and its all worth it. Theyre going to have a moonlit picnic tonight and Im at home, alone, my only pitiful solace being the vape his lips touched an hour ago, touching mine. My my gay little life.

In other news I tried a vanilla vape (bcuz he told me to ofc) And its rlly nice, I like it...

Stay cunty! Be a bad bitch on my behalf

March 30 2026

I wish I had someone to talk to about how insanely down bad I am for him, jesus christ its pathetic how much Ill do anything he wants me to, clean, cook, lose weight, chop wood with a fucking axe, all he has to do is ask it of me and its done, all the while Im still her friend even after they broke up, its an odd place to be in, a sad one when you know deep down that he finds me repulsive, or at the very least an eyesore, but then if he does feel that way why is he still around? I wish I could know how he fealt about me but at the same time I would rather die than have confirmation of my fears, He invites me to sleep in his bed when he doesnt with other 'guy' friends, he isnt weird about things with me, he opens up to me, i wish i could hint at how i fealt without sscaring him and losing the friendship, oh how ive been through this before too many times, and all the dolls that came before know this all too well, I wish he understood how handsome he is, how kind he is and how he deserves better than the white trash he goes after all the time

Anyways Had to write that down somewhere lol, get it out of my head and into text form, its a good thing none of them care about my website like I do or i wouldnt be able to be so open on here with how I feel

Stay cunty against all odds! summer is almost here!

March 27 2026

So painfully obsessed with this guy and everyone else sees it except him, or maybe he knows and enjoys the power he has over me? the way id so genuinely do anything for him is crazy like UGHHH I feel like im going fucking crazy, so typical and boring of me that Im obsessed with a str8 guy but here we fucking are I guess i just had to be unoriginal lmao

I miss who I used to be, she ws happier before

watching the guy ur obsessed with going on dates with girls hurts so bad in such a unique way

Anyways im ok im slaying in theory and My room is redecorated rn and i enjoy it

Enjoy this 2020 relic lol

March 16 2026

Went clubbing in toronto for st pattys day weekend, went to woody's and crews and tango both on church st and had the besttt time shout out to the btch who gave me 4 bumps of coke in the bathroom and also shoutout to evyn who kept me from freaking out after said coke!!! also shoutout to the girlypop who gave me poppers girl ilysm

Heres some pics

March 3 2026

Oh the urge to go to a bonfire and get drunk and meet a man who does the bare minimum and shows interest in me but thats enough to sweep me off my damn feet UGHHHH Im losing my mind

Like???? I want that ambient fire glow and booze and a guy whos trying to impress me and flirt with me?!?!?!? Id KILL for that my goodness!

Just had to get those thoughts out somewhere, the yearning was getting too strong to keep inside lmao

Hope y'all are doing well!

Heres some youtube videos I liked recently

Feruary 26 2026

Do i lean back into subliminals?? Do I have one playing right now??? Do they even work???

I used to use them a lot, I had whole playlists about weight loss confidence etc, now I was thinner then but is that due to subliminals or the fact that I was starving myself? XD

In all reality im in a bit of a dark place, I feel too fat to take photos of myself anymore, I know its crazy and BS but i feel like I look disgusting nowadays, I;m so close to caving and going on wegovy or something but who has 400 extra dollars a month for that?

I keep looking at photos of myself from 18 or 19 and I have this mixed feeling of nostalgia and melacholy that fills the pit in my quite large stomach

Ive always been larger, Im tll, broad and carried weight, but this past year I feel like its getting to be too much to bare

I write this here not as a cry for sympathy but as a way to vent my feelings into some form other than crying, I wonder if I should talk to my doctor about my medications, if those bitches are whats making me gain so much i dont need em! i can be skinny and mentally ill thankyu very much!

Anyways i will try to slay on slayin and i hope you slags do too

February 21 2026

Feeling cuntalicious right now, actually a little depressed but the cunt marches on

Been very interested in zines recently and would love to make a few with my collagework or about niche topics im interested in, vintage porn, tornadoes, testicles, maybe even scented candles, still working on making them ofc and were in the beginning stages but like??? This checks all my brain boxes, physical media? My interests? Archiving/sharing? Oh hell yeah

I tried a ZYN the other day and WHOO I had a great time, i still perfer my vapes but wow those swedish bitches have it on lock istg

Hope yall are well, I will try and update the site more often, been slowly working towards hoting my images locally on neocities instead of on lensdump (dont get me wrong lensdump is great i just didnt realize how much it was impacting my load times)

February 2 2026

The Grammy's where an interesting watch. why did nobody give Cher insructions?, altho the music was good the fashion was subpar

Also I judge big artists like Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Etc for only showing up when theyre nominated and refusing to come support other artists, I am glad that I didnt have to hear 50 people thank beyonce though.

My favourite outfit of the night has to be Gaga's, she was one of the few who tried to look decent

I love the Raven-Couture look, and the hair was giving imo, Overall the look was a 10/10 for me

I enjoyed these outfits but I see they couldve been better excecuted

Zara Larsson, Chappell Roan and Doechii, all look nice but really could have elevated the looks if the whole show wasnt a fucking disaster

January 24 2026

Its disheartening to say the least, being alive in this time, seeing the horrible things happening across the border, feeling like Im going insane because nobody with any semblance of authority does fuck all to stop this, the sheer confusion that somebody can do these things in front of the whole world and be APPLAUDED?!

The urge to give up, run away to my little farm and watch the world burn without me is strong, but that wouldn't be fair to those being murdered in the street for simply existing

Not to swap to less important topics but among all of this my toes are cold s well

Gotta keep slaying in spite of it all I guess

January 14 2026

Hey y'all, been working on the site a bit, trying to make load times slower and overall tranition the aesthetics into something that I resonate with more

The winter is truly a horrid time, butttt perhaps while everyone is bundled up I can sneakily lose weight and shock everyone come summer (spoiler this will not happen)

A few nights ago I got violently high and spent five hours sitting on my ass and watching choir videos on youtube, Who knew that bitches were still doing A Capella??? It was very enjoyable to watch, lowkey had extremely immirsive daydreams of a thinner version of myself singing that shit in Glee, by the way is it not insane that Puck from glee was like... THAT ... absolutely insane if you ask me, Also RIP Naya Rivera she wouldve loved the uptake in vaping across the nation

No really tho RIP Naya she had so many issues and just when things were getting better for her she was ripped from this world

My lesbian friend has notified me that most of my stories end in death or dick and its become somewhat of a drinking game when we hang out, wether or not the story leads to someone dying, or dick. I kinda love that for me if im being honest lmao

Anyways I hope yall are staying cunty, I'll know cuz im gonna ask my tarot cards abt u lmao

Kidding lmao

January 11 2026

Wild shit that its 2026, I'm alive though!!! Been drinking quite a bit since new years, not a worrying amount (yet) but still, enough that I havent been working on my site as much as Id like to lol.

currently drinking dr pepper zero and eating chips, feeling cuntalicious as one does

I need to make a shrine to my DnD character, her names Ysolda and shes a 40 something Cleric who worships the in universe goddess of lust and love, she is a holy whore

In other news Ive been scaring my friends with my eerily accurate tarot readings, I like being able to call their bs via card and blame the universe and my ancestors

Hope you all have a cunty 2026!