Wednesday December 11 2024

As you all well know I am a mentally unwell individual, well maybe I wouldn't go as far as to say unwell... derranged perhaps? Kooky? ... Not the point lol, I had an epiphany while I was wathcing youtube documentaries (as one does), the ones I have been enjoying lately have been predominantly about online cults and groups like them

Watching these videos at first i have the expected reaction of being appauled and shocked and such ... and then I have this feeling of like.. well why can't I be targeted by a cult? groomed into something sketchy.. am I not pretty enough? not cute enough? and then I took a step back and thought long and hard about how weird it is for my brain to go there of all places...

I have similar thoughts about serial killers, am I just not pretty enough to be targeted? stalked? butchered? sadly I think the answer is yes

Anyways live laugh love and if anyone has a cult they want me to join my morals are VERY flexible

Friday December 6 2024

I have gone through multiple boxes of things and found two digital cameras!!!!!!, They're both exactly what I was looking for am so happy, hopefully I will post some pictures I took on them here soon, rn I'm feeling lazy lol. I also have a fish, his name is Mortimer, he is a red and black Betta. I got him from a cleaning job. I also got some homemade tomato sauce from same cleaning job. Recently my fav thing in my room has been my wrong colour snow white statuette, she is pink blue and orange, also blonde, she's messy just like me. Sometimes I think about downloadig grindr for validation but then I remember I hate the feeling of being seen IRL XD.

Stay safe y'all

Saturday November 30 2024

Hope y'all are doing well today, I went thrifting!!!!! I bought a little plastic desk chair that's pink!!!!! I like to change it out with my old cushiony desk chair every now and then cause my old one is lookin rough and makes some scary noises whenever I lean back lol

I also got a cunty hat!!! Maybe i'll do some photos in it soon!

It has become winter here, It is too cold, i do not love the snow, maybe Imogen Heap can get me through this

My dog just presented me with a gourd, I am honoured...

Friday November 29 2024

I hope y'all know this is where I am posting from

Thursday November 28 2024

It's been interesting recently, the highlight of my life has been stumbling upon an abandoned backpack on the side of my street, I looked closer and before going through it brought it home, I was extremely surprised to find it was full of fifty five 90s porno DVD's!!!! Mostly hairy pussy and milf stuff, my fav title being Old Saggy Baggies XD, My real fav though is big cocks! that's the title lmao, I have been blessed by the physical media gods and given roughly 500 dollars worth of DVD 90s porn!!! As a self proclaimed p[orn archivist this is huge for me lmao

I need to find a way to make porn historian/ porn archivist a liviable job.... if anyone can do it it's gonna be my gay ass

Friday November 22 2024

sometimes I forget how lonely highschool was, at least most of it. I had a decently sized group of friends, going to a small school (500 students max) Made it so all people who were classified as 'odd' grouped togehter, wether we had anything in common or not was irrelevent, in that moment we were all different and that forced us together.

Looking back i think of how underdeveloped my brain must have been, I never really talked to any of my friends for the longest time, sure there was the mindless banter of day to day activities, but for the first three years of highschool I can't remember one single meaningful conversation, I never expressed my interests with my friends, I was just kind of there, while they were all off having relationships and trying new things I was just the same old me, private but extroverted, talking loud but barely saying anything meaningfull.

I remember I used to be obsessed with a handful of youtubers (Shane Dawson, Gabbi Hanna, Connor Franta, Joey Graceffa, Tyler Oakley, Mamrie and Hannah Hart, Grace Helbig, etc), as well as the 'tumblr' era musicians (Marina, Troye, Lana, etc) I even ran fan pages about some of them yet I never expressed my interests with any of my friends, Thinking about that now almost feels absurd as I am quite the yapper when it comes to things I enjoy

Anyways this isn't the point I wanted to rant about, What spurred this on was seeing a trailer for a gay highschool romance movie, it made me recall how desperate I used to be for connection. I am now in a loving relationship of almost 4 years, but 13-18 year old me was convinced I would be single forever, not for lack of interest on my part but because I percieved myself as 'unlovable' and 'ugly'.

I remember so vividly the feeling of lonliness when my friends would talk about their love lives, The closest I had to what they experienced was creepy old men online who wanted nothing good from me. I get teary eyed even thinking of it now, I feel as though I missed out on something that every human should have the option to experience, I feel broken, like there is something fundamentally wrong with me

Thankfully my partner and I have done a lot of work to combat these feelings, I now do know my worth and that I deserve love, but after having those constant self hating thoughts for years.... it's almost hardwired into my brain. I sometimes find myself lying awake at night imagining scenarios where it all went differently, where a big strong man whisked me away in the midst of my darkest days back then and made me feel like a princess.... I do wonder If i'll ever get to feel like a princess, or will I always be the worn out person I've become...

Anyways... we'll see how life pans out, I realize I am only 22 and I have a lot ahead of me, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like a worn out shell of who I used to be

love you guys

Thursday November 21 2024

Been a long ass day lol, lot's of work today and yesterday.... but overall am alive.

Wanted to share some links to things I've enjoyed recently!

This 'gays only' page by America's Decline!

And this post about collecting things online by KIMN!

Tuesday November 19 2024

Birthday!!!!! I am 22 now, feeling cutsey

Enjoy this video of the best half time show in history

Sunday November 17 2024

Today I cut my finger while chopping potatoes, very sad, it is wrapped right now lol pray for my weak ass

I feel the need to share some music I have been listening to

Hope y'all have a good day! sending love your way

Also I thoroughly enjoy this game from my childhood

Romance Academy — Heartbeat of Love
Play Now!

Saturday November 16 2024

Been having a decent time recently, worked a lot during the week but so far my weekend has been a little more relaxing. My boyfriend has been experementing with his hair and I absolutely love it, makes me feel like I should put more effort into my appearance lol, also my birthday is coming up!!!! the 19th!!! I'll be turning 22, ageing is such an odd thing, I fear it and embrace it at the same time.

Does anyone remember the Miami boys choir? that one video is so nice to watch, they all have such nice voices even though I don't understand hebrew. I've always loved choirs, I have now decided I am going to link some videos here of choirs I enjoy.

Sunday November 10 2024

In true me fashion I waited way too long to give something that was popular/trending a listen/watch, this time it was the amazing music of Ethel Cain, idk why it takes me so long to set time aside to listen to these things, i was a year late to Chappell Roan, I was late to Bojack Horseman (Only binged it after the last season came out), I was late to BRAT Summer it ended up being a BRAT Fall for me, The list goes on, it's like I'm averse to interacting with something as soon as it gets popular, which is one of my more annoying little quirks, faults? Not sure what to call it.

Anyways this song is really good love it love it love seeing transfems thrive

Also I think I;m finally getting to the point where I don't get extremely depressed every time I go down the nostalgia rabbit hole, perhaps I'm becoming happy with the person I've become...

Also this lmao

This video has a chokehold on me

Friday November 8 2024

Hi y'all, been having a decent time recently although I haven't been pursuing much creatively. Had a really good time last night playing Mario Kart on the Wii with my partner and my dad, I'm still so bad at it lmao. It's quite chilly today, had to wear a jacket. Two days ago I adopted 3 bonded roosters!!! They're very sweet! Unsure on names right now but my fav idea so far is naming them Roberto, Fernando and Alejandro inspired by the Lady Gaga song, I'd probably just call them Robbie, Fern and Ali though. My dad wants to call them Alvin, Theodore and Simon which just feels so unoriginal lol.

Anywhere heres a pic of them!

Also my grandmas PSW was amazing today! they're watching "the perfect couple" On netflix together and honestly it is so nice to see someone take time out of their day to be with her, even tho she is getting paid for it lmao. I made them some grilled cheese. also me and bf bought takis and they were too spicy... very sad...

Monday November 4 2024

Fanlisting got accepted to tfl!!! let's hope it gets listed soon lol, this has me thinking though, once this one is up and running perhaps I should make more, but like... what would they be about? I'm thinking I want my niche to be adult things, preferably gay in nature, My first is Balls!!! Some other ideas I have though are Ballbusting, BWC, Pierced Cocks, Gooning, BubbleButts?. As for non NSFW listings I could go with a Troye Sivan listing for sure, if there isn't already one, maybe a Kim Petras Listing would be fun too, also I'd like to make fanlistings for Juicy Couture and Ed Hardy as well, perhaps I could also branch out into other things, Is there a Gravity Falls Fanlisting already? What about Scooby Doo? There must be a scooby doo one! Anyways I want to make sure my first site gets listed before I do any more, would hate to get ahead of myself lol

Also I am OBSESSED With this video of Chappell Roan singing Bad Romance

Also this video of Chappell performing Good Luck Babe! At the VMA's

Omg I couldn't not share this as a Ghost fan and a Chappell fan

Hope y'all have a good day! Stay nasty