June 2 2026
Im feeling much more normal about things, dont get me wrong I am still devastated that he doesnt like me like that, but I had a really good convo with him about our friendship and he said some really kind things and I almost feel... normal? Im not on the verge of crying, im not angry, I was actually happy and laughing and having a good time around them all today, it was nice...
In other news happy pride! I love being gay and drinking peach flavoured drinks and vaping, fuck yeah!!!!
I hope you all are doing well, my internet is currently dogshit so I haven't been updating the site as much as I'd like to but I dont think my site neccesarily requires constant updates you know? Like yes its fun to change things around, add new pages etc but My website is something I am proud of in it's current state, I hope my odd and horny little corner of the internet is as enjoyable for you guys to visit as it is for me to create it
Have a lovely day/night bitchesss!!! Stay slutty!
May 30 2026
I FUCKING HATE HIMMMM
He isn't worth my fucking time, I thought maybe life was better and I would never have to deal with petty drama like this again but here we are, him and his little skank ass bitch talking shit about me to everyone I know, laughing about how pathetic I am, telling people they don't want to be around me...
How could he say those things when just the other day things were so nice? I thought he didn't hate me, I thought she didn't hate me either? You're telling me they both KNOW how I feel and they laugh about it? it's a little inside joke for them? I'm glad I'm so funny I guess
I never thought I'd be able to get over him but hearing about how he just watches while she says horrible things about me, how he doesnt stick up for me when shes bad mouthing me to our friends, It's made me realize what a fucking loser he is
You know shes bad when her so called best friend warned her other friend that she would be "horrible to live with" And it turns out the bitch was right!!! This little bitch talks shit about me but doesn't even realize her own friends hate her!!!! Guess me and her are in the same damn boat then
I hope hes happy with that money guzzling, blood sucking, body checking, complaining, manipulative, self absorbed cunt. I could've been anything for him but that ship has fucking sailed.
What hurts the most is that those feelings I had, where I genuinley believed that harming myself was the only option, the gut wrentching aching love I had for him is just an inside joke for then to giggle about...
Hes a bum anyways, couldn't be bothered to wake up and buy PLAN B when he was too dumb to pull out! Hope that doesnt happen again cause yk I wont be there to save her ass next time
May 28 2026
Some of my recent google searches to show yall the insides of my mind
"how to appeal to bisexual and straight men as a pre op trans girl who doesnt want surgery "
"Hatsune Miku but a Twink"
"Why do Beers have a metal cap"
"Did Aoli come before Mayo?"
"All you can eat sushi near me
"What to do when you think your friends are going to stage and intervention"
"Black spider with white dot
"How to appear less tired"
I think all of these are indicitave of a well adjusted normal person don't you?
May 24 2026
Putting the blog back up cause I feel safe to again, good weekend had by me ofc, drank a lot as one does
my friends are all convinced I'm an alcaholic and its become quite patronizing, I hate being doted over as If I am not capable
That being said I am aware that friends just look out for friends and many times I have done so for them they\re just returning the favour which is fine and all It's just not very in line with the "twinkified soft and sweet yet feminine in a dangerous way boy next door" vision I have for myself
May 19 2026
As much as I have never watched and never intend to watch Euphoria, from what I've heard and seen in clips I heavily relate to Cassie spending hours on self care just to look good for a man who doesnt and will never notice her efforts. That and hair colour are where my similarities end with her but still an interesting thing to be self aware about.
Can I just say tho I look damn good almost glowing just cuz this mans coming to pick me up and I KNOWWW he won't give a fuckkk!!
In other news I'm moving soon, going to be without my paintings and knick knacks and such for a few months which will suck rlly bad but hopefully soon I will have a proper new place... let's hope lol
May 9 2026
Why am i In love with a man who cant even wake up in the morning to take his (admittedly annoying) girlfriend to go get plan b? why did I HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT?!
Even that being said seeing him nerd out over minecraft command blocks made my heart smile... I fucking hate it here
week 2 no anti depressants and Im still alive and not killed myself yet, so here we are
Its not that i don't believe in medication it's just i need to fucking feel something again and even though ive been wildly suicidal bitchy and euphoric these past weeks I feel more like me again? I am probably having some sort of episode but do i fucking care? not really cuz he doesnt love me, and thats all I wanted
May 7 2026
In my divorced Era, it was mutual but 5 years is a lot, Been depressed, dodging my anti depressants like the war draft and getting over str8 boy
He seems so happy with her I cant bring myself to feel the way I do, I feel like this horrible parasite that would only be leeching his happiness away, god help me
Ive been trying to focus on myself, take care of my skin, my body, maybe just maybe my hair?. Id like to have a hot girl summer this summer lol, i have a few guys who message me, they like getting their dicks sucked and apparently im good at it, made one guy finish in 10 minutes and the other in 4 just with my mouth so I can't be that bad at it right? Wish the guy I wanted to do it to would like me back but here we are lmao
Its scary, meeting guys, I like being objectified dont get me wrong but theres that deep seeded fear that Im too ugly to be objectified and they wont like me when they see me in person, So far ive never had that issue but its still in the back of my head, killing me every second
I'm trying to be a good person, trying not to be mean just because I hate myself, trying not to take my anger at the world and my life out on people, Ive been told im a cunt when im depressed...
I just hope sometime soon I can listen to my music and not think about him, thats all I want
April 25 2026
Moisturized, Shaved, Clean and cunt is how im feeling at the moment, that will change like the winds on a spring afternoon but for now I feel great, my vape is running low though so i need yalls thoughts and prayers lmao
Can't wait for this months pay to come in, need to top up a lot of my hygeine products and print some photos (hopefully)
I also have beer and some rum rn so im waiting for either A) my friends to wanna hangout and drink or B) the depressive episode to hit when im alone and get drunk listening to amy winehouse and adele.
This image reminds me of Virtual Villagers idk why bit like i hope yall see it too
April 23 2026
A stream of thought from my notes app
How can I look at this man who does the bare minimum, he’s really a slob, messy, he smells sometimes, doesn’t even really take care of himself but. But when I see him. I see his goofy smile, his beautiful eyes, his innocent kindness, his toned body (yes I’m horny abt him lmao) his scruffy unkempt stubble is cute to me, his messy hair endearing, the way he likes my cooking makes my heart flutter, “you make the best sandwiches EVER” . he’ll sleep next to me with no second thought, he tells me things he doesn’t tell other people, he doesn’t love me though, not the way I love him, when he’s drunk or lonely I become and option, “I mean you can suck my dick if I don’t find a girl at the bar tonight” those words nearly ruined me, I accidentally showed my cards, he knows now how hot I find him, how much I would do for him, how I feel. And unfortunately I can guess how he feels, at best I’m a backup option for a blowjob, at worst I’m just his gay friend. He shares vapes with me, the closest we’ll ever get to kissing, if he ever leaves his stuff here I love it, his sweaters, hats, sunglasses, fuck I’m in love with him so badly, but he doesn’t care. I feel like I’m on the top of the world in the passenger seat of his car, just wish he’d put his hand on my leg like he does to her. I introduced them so it’s my own fault really, I wing manned too close to the sun I guess, they fuck like crazed rabbits all the time and I can’t help but be jealous and sad, he asks why I’m depressed and I can’t tell him it’s because I know he doesn’t want me like I want him. I just have to brush it off and pretend I’m okay, I’m not though, I’m obsessed with him and he doesn’t even notice me unless he’s out of options. The world must hate me because as he sleeps next to me and I lie awake my music auto plays the subway, one of your girls and winner takes it all back to back! Like god damn my little heart cannot handle this all.
Getting over things slowly... still very depressed, had my anti depressants upped, well see how that goes lol
April 1 2026
Been in the throws of a one sided love as you all know, Getting him ready for a date with a girl hurts so bad, teaching him what to pick out for a charcuterie board, helping him buy a new outfit, helping him pick out wine for her? It all hurts, but his smile makes it easier, and sleeping in his bed makes my heart flutter, so I guess its worth it? being even further down the line than the backup, because a backup would still have a chance, im more of a safety net I guess, I clean I cook I build I work I help and all he has to do in return is smile at me, and its all worth it. Theyre going to have a moonlit picnic tonight and Im at home, alone, my only pitiful solace being the vape his lips touched an hour ago, touching mine. My my gay little life.
In other news I tried a vanilla vape (bcuz he told me to ofc) And its rlly nice, I like it...
Stay cunty! Be a bad bitch on my behalf
March 30 2026
I wish I had someone to talk to about how insanely down bad I am for him, jesus christ its pathetic how much Ill do anything he wants me to, clean, cook, lose weight, chop wood with a fucking axe, all he has to do is ask it of me and its done, all the while Im still her friend even after they broke up, its an odd place to be in, a sad one when you know deep down that he finds me repulsive, or at the very least an eyesore, but then if he does feel that way why is he still around? I wish I could know how he fealt about me but at the same time I would rather die than have confirmation of my fears, He invites me to sleep in his bed when he doesnt with other 'guy' friends, he isnt weird about things with me, he opens up to me, i wish i could hint at how i fealt without sscaring him and losing the friendship, oh how ive been through this before too many times, and all the dolls that came before know this all too well, I wish he understood how handsome he is, how kind he is and how he deserves better than the white trash he goes after all the time
Anyways Had to write that down somewhere lol, get it out of my head and into text form, its a good thing none of them care about my website like I do or i wouldnt be able to be so open on here with how I feel
Stay cunty against all odds! summer is almost here!
March 27 2026
So painfully obsessed with this guy and everyone else sees it except him, or maybe he knows and enjoys the power he has over me? the way id so genuinely do anything for him is crazy like UGHHH I feel like im going fucking crazy, so typical and boring of me that Im obsessed with a str8 guy but here we fucking are I guess i just had to be unoriginal lmao
I miss who I used to be, she ws happier before
watching the guy ur obsessed with going on dates with girls hurts so bad in such a unique way
Anyways im ok im slaying in theory and My room is redecorated rn and i enjoy it
Enjoy this 2020 relic lol
March 16 2026
Went clubbing in toronto for st pattys day weekend, went to woody's and crews and tango both on church st and had the besttt time shout out to the btch who gave me 4 bumps of coke in the bathroom and also shoutout to evyn who kept me from freaking out after said coke!!! also shoutout to the girlypop who gave me poppers girl ilysm
Heres some pics
March 3 2026
Oh the urge to go to a bonfire and get drunk and meet a man who does the bare minimum and shows interest in me but thats enough to sweep me off my damn feet UGHHHH Im losing my mind
Like???? I want that ambient fire glow and booze and a guy whos trying to impress me and flirt with me?!?!?!? Id KILL for that my goodness!
Just had to get those thoughts out somewhere, the yearning was getting too strong to keep inside lmao
Hope y'all are doing well!
Heres some youtube videos I liked recently
Feruary 26 2026
Do i lean back into subliminals?? Do I have one playing right now??? Do they even work???
I used to use them a lot, I had whole playlists about weight loss confidence etc, now I was thinner then but is that due to subliminals or the fact that I was starving myself? XD
In all reality im in a bit of a dark place, I feel too fat to take photos of myself anymore, I know its crazy and BS but i feel like I look disgusting nowadays, I;m so close to caving and going on wegovy or something but who has 400 extra dollars a month for that?
I keep looking at photos of myself from 18 or 19 and I have this mixed feeling of nostalgia and melacholy that fills the pit in my quite large stomach
Ive always been larger, Im tll, broad and carried weight, but this past year I feel like its getting to be too much to bare
I write this here not as a cry for sympathy but as a way to vent my feelings into some form other than crying, I wonder if I should talk to my doctor about my medications, if those bitches are whats making me gain so much i dont need em! i can be skinny and mentally ill thankyu very much!
Anyways i will try to slay on slayin and i hope you slags do too
February 21 2026
Feeling cuntalicious right now, actually a little depressed but the cunt marches on
Been very interested in zines recently and would love to make a few with my collagework or about niche topics im interested in, vintage porn, tornadoes, testicles, maybe even scented candles, still working on making them ofc and were in the beginning stages but like??? This checks all my brain boxes, physical media? My interests? Archiving/sharing? Oh hell yeah
I tried a ZYN the other day and WHOO I had a great time, i still perfer my vapes but wow those swedish bitches have it on lock istg
Hope yall are well, I will try and update the site more often, been slowly working towards hoting my images locally on neocities instead of on lensdump (dont get me wrong lensdump is great i just didnt realize how much it was impacting my load times)
February 2 2026
The Grammy's where an interesting watch. why did nobody give Cher insructions?, altho the music was good the fashion was subpar
Also I judge big artists like Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Etc for only showing up when theyre nominated and refusing to come support other artists, I am glad that I didnt have to hear 50 people thank beyonce though.
My favourite outfit of the night has to be Gaga's, she was one of the few who tried to look decent
I love the Raven-Couture look, and the hair was giving imo, Overall the look was a 10/10 for me
I enjoyed these outfits but I see they couldve been better excecuted
Zara Larsson, Chappell Roan and Doechii, all look nice but really could have elevated the looks if the whole show wasnt a fucking disaster
January 24 2026
Its disheartening to say the least, being alive in this time, seeing the horrible things happening across the border, feeling like Im going insane because nobody with any semblance of authority does fuck all to stop this, the sheer confusion that somebody can do these things in front of the whole world and be APPLAUDED?!
The urge to give up, run away to my little farm and watch the world burn without me is strong, but that wouldn't be fair to those being murdered in the street for simply existing
Not to swap to less important topics but among all of this my toes are cold s well
Gotta keep slaying in spite of it all I guess
January 14 2026
Hey y'all, been working on the site a bit, trying to make load times slower and overall tranition the aesthetics into something that I resonate with more
The winter is truly a horrid time, butttt perhaps while everyone is bundled up I can sneakily lose weight and shock everyone come summer (spoiler this will not happen)
A few nights ago I got violently high and spent five hours sitting on my ass and watching choir videos on youtube, Who knew that bitches were still doing A Capella??? It was very enjoyable to watch, lowkey had extremely immirsive daydreams of a thinner version of myself singing that shit in Glee, by the way is it not insane that Puck from glee was like... THAT ... absolutely insane if you ask me, Also RIP Naya Rivera she wouldve loved the uptake in vaping across the nation
No really tho RIP Naya she had so many issues and just when things were getting better for her she was ripped from this world
My lesbian friend has notified me that most of my stories end in death or dick and its become somewhat of a drinking game when we hang out, wether or not the story leads to someone dying, or dick. I kinda love that for me if im being honest lmao
Anyways I hope yall are staying cunty, I'll know cuz im gonna ask my tarot cards abt u lmao
Kidding lmao
January 11 2026
Wild shit that its 2026, I'm alive though!!! Been drinking quite a bit since new years, not a worrying amount (yet) but still, enough that I havent been working on my site as much as Id like to lol.
currently drinking dr pepper zero and eating chips, feeling cuntalicious as one does
I need to make a shrine to my DnD character, her names Ysolda and shes a 40 something Cleric who worships the in universe goddess of lust and love, she is a holy whore
In other news Ive been scaring my friends with my eerily accurate tarot readings, I like being able to call their bs via card and blame the universe and my ancestors
Hope you all have a cunty 2026!